We are not perfect. We do our best to raise our children in the best possible fashion, but let's face it: we make mistakes. The long days, long nights, hours of tantrums and whining and nudging and fussing can get on our nerves. We have moments we can proudly declare that we conquered our weaknesses and kept calm through it all. And then we have other moments where we hit all-time-lows. We do what we *swore* we wouldn't do, say what we *promised* we'd never say, and sometimes surprise ourselves with thoughts that any "normal" mom is NEVER supposed to think about herself, her spouse, her extended family, and of course her children.
Some of us dwell on these low moments. We lay awake at night and wonder if our children will ever heal from the damage we've incurred. We ask ourselves why we couldn't have been stronger, why we couldn't see past the frustration. We pray that it won't happen again, but have a terrible foreboding feeling that it may, and next time could even be worse. So we despair.
Recently, a friend helped encourage me with a new spin on how to manage my sense of guilt. She pointed out that I'm human. And that my children can and should know that. They can and should grow up in a house where people make mistakes. Moms, dads, children, everyone is human. We all have fantastic moments of parenting and terrible moments of weakness. And that needs to be okay. As a role model for my children, it MUST be okay for them to see and know that I am not an angel and not perfect.
So rather than beat myself up every time my humanity shines, I am choosing to forgive myself. And ask my children to forgive me. Because just as much as they need to apologize for hurting my feelings, I need to apologize for hurting theirs. And we kiss and hug and make-up and go out for ice cream. We are learning to accept each others shortcomings.
Embracing your own humanity is a life-long process. Parenthood is a good place to start.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
On Humility
One of the greatest challenges to us humans is humility. The idea that we don't know everything, can't control everything, and have limited capabilities is quite upsetting and difficult to comprehend. After all, we are each stuck in our own minds, our own realities.
Humility as a parent is even more challenging... and necessary. When the days are rough, we need to remind ourselves that it's not ALL about ourselves and our frustrations and instead have compassion and mercy for these little creatures who may drive us crazy but have their own sensitive spirits. And when the days are joyful, we need to be thankful for the blessings and miracles in our midst, and not let it go to our heads that WE are the ones who created such cuteness.
It's a fine line we walk: we need to feel and act both totally and utterly responsible for our children, while still being mindful of the fact that much of what is going on around us is beyond our control.
The better we are at letting go of our sense of pride, the calmer we will be as parents. Most of the time when I am angry, it's because reality is not what I expected and I lack the humility to recognize and appreciate what I am facing and have faith that things will change (because they always do). If I have a rough night with my children, the next night WILL be different. And if I have a fantastic set of nights of peace and calm, one of these nights WILL be different. These are difficult ideas to believe, deeply and truly.
Humility is a constant spiritual, emotional, intellectual struggle. Please join me in facing our pride, so that we can build a better, healthier, and more compassionate tomorrow for our children.
Humility as a parent is even more challenging... and necessary. When the days are rough, we need to remind ourselves that it's not ALL about ourselves and our frustrations and instead have compassion and mercy for these little creatures who may drive us crazy but have their own sensitive spirits. And when the days are joyful, we need to be thankful for the blessings and miracles in our midst, and not let it go to our heads that WE are the ones who created such cuteness.
It's a fine line we walk: we need to feel and act both totally and utterly responsible for our children, while still being mindful of the fact that much of what is going on around us is beyond our control.
The better we are at letting go of our sense of pride, the calmer we will be as parents. Most of the time when I am angry, it's because reality is not what I expected and I lack the humility to recognize and appreciate what I am facing and have faith that things will change (because they always do). If I have a rough night with my children, the next night WILL be different. And if I have a fantastic set of nights of peace and calm, one of these nights WILL be different. These are difficult ideas to believe, deeply and truly.
Humility is a constant spiritual, emotional, intellectual struggle. Please join me in facing our pride, so that we can build a better, healthier, and more compassionate tomorrow for our children.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Spirituality Week
The end of the summer marks a particularly spiritual time in the Jewish calendar: the month of "Elul".
This month we finish up the past year and head to the new year, marked by the "Rosh HaShannah" or "head of the year" holiday. As I reflect on the past year, I feel I need to share with my readers some more philosophical/spiritual thoughts.
So, this week will be dedicated to some more spiritually-focused blogs. For those who are more interested in the practical blogs, take a break and enjoy some outdoor fun this week :)
This month we finish up the past year and head to the new year, marked by the "Rosh HaShannah" or "head of the year" holiday. As I reflect on the past year, I feel I need to share with my readers some more philosophical/spiritual thoughts.
So, this week will be dedicated to some more spiritually-focused blogs. For those who are more interested in the practical blogs, take a break and enjoy some outdoor fun this week :)
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