The Perfect Vacation

The perfect vacation, like so many phrases in the parenting how-to manual, is an oxymoron. Vacations seem to be imperfect by design. We plan a vacation to "relax" or "have fun" - but usually the fun and relaxation ends well-before the vacation even begins. We left our wallet in the cab. We forgot the baby's antibiotics in the fridge. We didn't take out enough cash. We got stuck in traffic. We lost a sandal at the rest-stop. We can't find binkie when we finally arrived...

In order to detox ourselves from the idea that the vacation should be fun or relaxing, we need to properly re-align ourselves with what the vacation is really about. Before children, vacation was about me/us and an activity. After children, we redefine vacation as: a special time to grow with your child.

As with all growth, vacations, by design, can be painful processes. Many of us feel they are necessary-evils as a parent. We want our child to grow - to experience new and exciting activities. And tossing them into these activities can be painful for us, for our children, or both. Yet, we learn from them. We learn about our kids and their thresholds for exhaustion, tumult, or hunger. We learn how they interact with new and exciting events - how they process the stimuli and make sense of their new surroundings.  Suddenly we realize that they hate slimy water. Or that they love building in the sand. Or that our cousin's obsession with baseball can be a healthy inspiration. And we learn about ourselves in the process: how much stress can we take? How many activities can we handle? What correct and incorrect assumptions have we made about ourselves and our kids?

Growth is also exciting and undefined - it will happen when least-expected. We may think that experiencing the beach and waves is what we came for, when, in fact, staying up late and playing games with Granny turns into the favorite memory. We may want to rush to get to the museums, when our child is fascinated by the ticket-machine at the train station. We may think it's time to head to the restaurant, when baby gets a fever and Auntie treats her to ice cream.

By the time we go on our first vacations, most of us have already begun to learn that we cannot control our children as much as we'd have liked. Perfect vacations are the perfect opportunities for us to witness our child's growth by providing a new platform for them to jump off (sometimes literally?!) They won't be relaxing. And probably mostly not-fun. But the memories will be cherished nonetheless.