For those of us who are breastfeeding & working moms, it's very important to find the right support systems. See the article below for some important progress to that end, and note the new laws (No more nursing/pumping in the bathroom! I mean, would YOU want to be fed food processed next to a urinal?!). As proven by AOL's example (in the article), the investment pays off in both mom's and baby's health.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41161102/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Adult Perspective
Based on my previous blog, entitled "Losing It" I have come to the conclusion that from an adult's perspective, children are insane.
I used to resent friends who would make such negative statements. But after giving it a bit of thought, I had a fascinating realization that helped me get through today's tantrums.
See, I realized that when I lost control, as an adult I could recognize later that I simply wasn't thinking straight. Reality had shifted for me, and my mind actually came to bizarre conclusions, like for example "if I yell a bit louder, my kid will listen to me! and if I yell the same thing repeatedly, she'll finally smile and say 'great idea, mommy'!" Clearly, these are not the wisdom of an adult but the unfortunate result of temporary insanity.
Well, if *I* was acting insane when I threw *my* tantrum, then what does this say about my kids??? Let's review the tantrum process:
1. get upset
2. decide to yell, scream, kick, throw
3. continue until exhausted
Clearly, there is some sort of short-circuit happening in our wiring, when we move from step 1 to step 2. A sane person would never make such a silly decision and would clearly realize that behaving that way will achieve ZERO positive results. Here's how it works in our children's minds: children need love, support, and comfort. When they throw a tantrum, they actually believe that by yelling, screaming, etc. their parent will give them MORE love, support, and comfort. Is that crazy?! YES!!!
Which brings me to my original thesis: from an adult perspective, children are insane.
They don't know that throwing a tantrum will achieve the reverse of what they want - instead of offering more support and comfort, we parents respond to the tantrum by likewise sticking to our guns, countering their arguments, and getting swept into step #2 dramas ourselves. Ridiculous!
SO, how is this helpful? If we relate to the tantrum for what it is - temporary insanity - then we can more easily laugh it off. Just another silly aspect of humanity.
I used to resent friends who would make such negative statements. But after giving it a bit of thought, I had a fascinating realization that helped me get through today's tantrums.
See, I realized that when I lost control, as an adult I could recognize later that I simply wasn't thinking straight. Reality had shifted for me, and my mind actually came to bizarre conclusions, like for example "if I yell a bit louder, my kid will listen to me! and if I yell the same thing repeatedly, she'll finally smile and say 'great idea, mommy'!" Clearly, these are not the wisdom of an adult but the unfortunate result of temporary insanity.
Well, if *I* was acting insane when I threw *my* tantrum, then what does this say about my kids??? Let's review the tantrum process:
1. get upset
2. decide to yell, scream, kick, throw
3. continue until exhausted
Clearly, there is some sort of short-circuit happening in our wiring, when we move from step 1 to step 2. A sane person would never make such a silly decision and would clearly realize that behaving that way will achieve ZERO positive results. Here's how it works in our children's minds: children need love, support, and comfort. When they throw a tantrum, they actually believe that by yelling, screaming, etc. their parent will give them MORE love, support, and comfort. Is that crazy?! YES!!!
Which brings me to my original thesis: from an adult perspective, children are insane.
They don't know that throwing a tantrum will achieve the reverse of what they want - instead of offering more support and comfort, we parents respond to the tantrum by likewise sticking to our guns, countering their arguments, and getting swept into step #2 dramas ourselves. Ridiculous!
SO, how is this helpful? If we relate to the tantrum for what it is - temporary insanity - then we can more easily laugh it off. Just another silly aspect of humanity.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Losing It
Yesterday I lost it.
The baby was crying in my ear for 2 hours straight - poor thing had a fever and wanted to nurse. My 2 and 4 year olds were in the bath and my 6 year old was having a tantrum. And I lost it. Without going into detail, I acted like a child myself and behaved in a way that I'd never recommend or consider "good parenting".
So today, in efforts to move on, I called my friend for some support.
She gave me what I needed. She advised me to be more empathetic to my 6 year old's tantrums, to give myself more slack, and to recognize my triggers.
And she made me laugh. She said "Listen, nobody wants to lose it. No sane person says to himself 'Hey, I'm going to lose it now, I think that's an effective way to overcome my obstacles'." And yet, in the moment, we ARE insane - we actually think that losing-it will get our needs met! Is that crazy or what?
Most important, she reminded me that in a busy household, everybody loses-it sometimes. We all have our moments. And she went so far as to say that it would be a disservice to our kids if they never saw us make our shameful human errors. They need to know that's normal and learn to forgive and move past. It's an incredibly important skill and will help in their emotional development.
SO - let's take a moment to appreciate our friends. And another moment to give our kids an extra hug and forgive them and ourselves for behaving like 2 year olds (unless, of course, your kid really IS 2 years old, in which case just celebrate that you've both made it this far!)
The baby was crying in my ear for 2 hours straight - poor thing had a fever and wanted to nurse. My 2 and 4 year olds were in the bath and my 6 year old was having a tantrum. And I lost it. Without going into detail, I acted like a child myself and behaved in a way that I'd never recommend or consider "good parenting".
So today, in efforts to move on, I called my friend for some support.
She gave me what I needed. She advised me to be more empathetic to my 6 year old's tantrums, to give myself more slack, and to recognize my triggers.
And she made me laugh. She said "Listen, nobody wants to lose it. No sane person says to himself 'Hey, I'm going to lose it now, I think that's an effective way to overcome my obstacles'." And yet, in the moment, we ARE insane - we actually think that losing-it will get our needs met! Is that crazy or what?
Most important, she reminded me that in a busy household, everybody loses-it sometimes. We all have our moments. And she went so far as to say that it would be a disservice to our kids if they never saw us make our shameful human errors. They need to know that's normal and learn to forgive and move past. It's an incredibly important skill and will help in their emotional development.
SO - let's take a moment to appreciate our friends. And another moment to give our kids an extra hug and forgive them and ourselves for behaving like 2 year olds (unless, of course, your kid really IS 2 years old, in which case just celebrate that you've both made it this far!)
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