5 Signs You're a New Mom

There are 5 signs that you are a new mother. Test yourself with the checklist below:

1. You are tired & drained. Whether you labored for 48 hours or you spent 5 weeks in Bucharest picking up your adopted child, you are exhausted. You haven't slept from excitement, fear, and physical strain involved in knowing your baby is about to be held in your arms for the first time. You have circles under your eyes and kind of regret that your first photos with your baby will be kept for posterity with you looking less-than-refreshed. Some of you do your best to hide it with makeup. Others claim to "embrace our natural essence as a new mother". But all of you wish somehow this could be done with a lot more sleep and a lot less strain. (Many will question "how am I supposed to be the key role model for my child by starting out at my worst?!" This is one of the first indications that you are a new parent!)

2. You are exhilarated & relieved. You probably felt heavy and uncomfortable at the end of your pregnancy, and perhaps you've waited for years to finally get to this point. The excitement seems unending and keeps you in a vicious cycle vis a vis sign #1 (above). Your are overjoyed - beyond words - that you are holding your baby. You inspect him. You stare as he sleeps. You feel obsessed with this little new angel. And you sigh as you hold her, in awe. You plan her future, you plan your own. You consider yourself blessed, lucky, almost too-good-to-be-true. In fact: doesn't it feel surreal? "Is this baby really mine?!"

3. You are sad & confused. Part of moving on to the next stage in your life - the "parenthood" stage - involves saying goodbye to a lot of what you know and love. You are never alone in the way that you were accustomed to being - for better and for worse. You have lost most of your personal space, time to yourself, and now every decision needs to be double-checked with "how will it affect the baby". You may feel a loss of identity as it relates to your public persona (e.g. "career woman"). Or you may sense a strain on the formerly one-on-one intimate relationship you had with your partner. Moving from one stage in life to another always involves a sense of grief and longing for the "days of yore". (Note: it's ok to feel some grief, but if you find yourself alarmingly compromised by these thoughts, you may need to read up on postpartum depression)

4. You are overwhelmed & frustrated. Life as a new mother is suddenly and infinitely more complicated - in a way that you could never fathom before, and that you never "got" about your parent-friends before. You may be chronically late or obsessive about cleanliness/germs. You have lost a sense of balance and newly question what is "truly" important today, tomorrow, or ever. You are frustrated that you cannot focus, cannot get things done, and are more easily distracted by the NOW NOW NOW of your baby and his needs. You have mommy-brain = welcome to the club!

5. You are full. Life never felt so busy. Or complete. Or wonderful. Or insane. You are maxed to capacity - your cup runneth over and beyond! There is no moment when you aren't juggling multiple things or thoughts at the same time. It's both fulfilling and exhausting.

...Well? Are you a new mother, or what?!

Get Creative!

One of the perks in being a parent is that we can tap into our own inner child - fascination with new and exciting things, being silly and creative, and enjoying the colorful, whimsical world we live in.

Another perk is that our kids keep us on our toes and challenge us to think one-step-ahead.

In response, we strive to find creative, interesting ways to inspire our children and promote good behavior.

Our family balances 5 young children, and every so often we have to renew our "rewards system" to keep them intrigued.

Our most recent was worth sharing: personalized award-tickets to each child for teamwork, chores well-done, kindness, and other good behavior... tickets are later redeemed for prizes - yes, they are perforated to tear - just like a "real" carnival ticket!

Because I Said So

Many parents of our generation (and younger) have a difficult time disciplining their children. This is mainly because we view discipline as something negative, a necessary-evil, if you will. Few parents (if any?) relish the idea of disciplining, and those who do... well, maybe we gotta wonder why.

At a recent parenting seminar led by a seasoned therapist, the audience was encouraged to consider discipline opportunities as gifts. They were invited to change their perceptions on discipline, and as such, their abilities to be leaders as parents. The therapist challenged the participants to pause when facing a moment ripe for discipline and treat that moment as a blessing.

See, according to the therapist, when we discipline firmly, we re-state and refresh our commitment to helping shape our children into productive, honest, resilient individuals.

By considering the best way to discipline, and embracing both the power of "no" (see previous post on the book Power of a Positive No) and our responsibility as the parent to use the term wisely, we can teach our children self-restraint and help them build inner-strength to move past obstacles. These traits are key to becoming thriving adults. With the right discipline under their belts, the well-disciplined child will become a resilient and accomplished adult who faces adversity with confidence.

The implication here is that we need to be clear with our intentions and actions: if our child should be disciplined, should hear the word "NO" and should be listening to and respecting adults, then why do we refrain from providing firm and committed discipline? Are we lazy as parents? Are we fearful of our children, when they should fear *us*? Are we too selfish to bother putting our children's needs before our own?

Being a parent is: Hard. Work. No. Doubt.

But we owe it to our children to be resilient leaders. Perhaps if we step up to the plate, they will learn by example.