Is Peace always the Path?

We moms often run the emotional spectrum - one minute blissfully peeking at our napping angel, next screaming at our daughter who has thrown juice all over the floor.

Many psychologists encourage us to remain calm at all times, do our best to project a peaceful and comforting energy to our children.

I'm not so sure about that.

Now, I definitely believe that in the early years, say from newborn to age 2 or 3, it's important to be patient and loving, since these little tots are extremely sensitive to our support, and they don't understand our anger or upset. They also rarely (in normal home environments) deliberately harm or hurt themselves or others.

But something changes by elementary school, and I, for one, think they no longer need to see me as an Angel of Peace at all times. On the contrary, they need to see me "break down". Why? Don't they need a role model for maintaining a calm demeanor, even when facing challenges? Well, yes and no.

While truly we parents are our children's primary role models, we are also their primary teachers. When we yell and punish them, not only are we showing them that what they say or do have consequences, but we also teach them that they can and will be hurt in life... and that LIFE GOES ON. What I'm considering is that it's not about the yelling &discipline, but rather the what-happens-next.

If children never (or very rarely) see or experience an angry, upset, or otherwise-riled parent, then s/he is ill-equipt to deal with his/her own anger and upset which WILL appear at some point in life. And since they have never seen an adult be angry and then get over it, then they will likewise not know how to deal with their own anger. Ditto on the receiving end: if they've never been the target of someone's anger, then when they experience it later in life, they will be thrown and uncertain of how to respond and how to move past the situation.

On the other hand, children who have seen their parents angry, yelling, even spanking, will have a deep and strong sense that sometimes life is tough, but they will know from experience how to shake it off and move past.

In other words, we should (responsibly choose to) be angry, show upset, and allow our children to react and respond... and then guide them as to how to manage their feelings and how to move past the hurt.

Rather than hiding and sheltering them from rough times, help them get through them, past them, and rise above them.