Welcome to Kira's Blog

Welcome to My Blog

Life with young children can be challenging, but with the support and advice of friends, we can feel empowered and thankful for the blessing of being a Mom.

My musings are those of a self-proclaimed attachment-parenting Tiger mom, who juggles full-time mommying with a small (but growing!) baby-related business. I hope some of my thoughts help you
Enjoy your day, Enjoy your night, and Enjoy your kids!!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

On Advice

Whenever I encounter someone who is about to become a first-time-mom, I have one piece of advice, and it is always well-received:

Only listen to advice that makes sense to you.
(including this very statement!)

That's my advice. You're the mom. You know best. Period. Nobody can or should second-guess your decisions (with one caveat that perhaps your spouse may have some ideas of his own... but nobody else, that's for sure!) Being a mom is often overwhelming and definitely an extremely emotionally-challenging role. It's incredibly difficult to keep your wits about you and feel confident. But we owe it to ourselves and our children to be as strong as possible, and that means neither questioning our decisions nor feeling inferior to others who just do it differently.

This principle is especially true in the first year of baby's life. Both mom and baby are getting to know each other, a great challenge when the means of communication are limited, and both baby and mom are struggling just to get their basic needs met. Parents, in-laws, and older friends may offer lots of feedback, usually to empower themselves as "in the know" but not realizing that their comments may weaken mom's emotional or physical state. I learned to trust my instinct when my oldest was around 2 months old and rarely slept (more on that in another blog)... I was told by someone close in my life that I should try this, try that, and why-don't-I-do-X. My exhausted, bleary-eyed response ended up being one of the most empowering statements I have made as a mom: "when you've spent the same amount of time I have learning this baby, then you get to decide. Until then, I've invested more time getting to know her and have a better idea of what she needs." As an added point, this is true for moms of adopted children as well, since of course they spent the most time learning the baby and therefore have the best sense of what the baby needs.

I don't believe moms know best because of biology. I think moms know best because we spend the most time learning the baby in the first few weeks. For those dads or other caregivers who may spend more time with the baby than mom, please share your ideas/thoughts/replies. In most scenarios, it's mom who spends the most time with baby and is the most sensitive to getting to know how to take care of this new delicate creature.


  1. Kira, great blog! I, for one, am a big advice asker. I ask everyone and anyone for advice, and I simply sift. Looking back, there was some advice I should have taken earlier, that's for sure. Although I agree that a mother does know her baby best, it's really important to have a strong support group of women and mothers to rely upon for advice and support. Some of the things you want to do instinctively (like nurse every 5 minutes to calm the baby down, a big mistake with my first) may not be helpful and may even be wrong (like keeping a baby overly warm and bundled, a huge mistake lots of new moms make). I also love to give advice, although I've noticed that no one ever listens. :) -Hedva

  2. Hedva,
    Thanks for your comment! Glad you enjoy the blog - keep checking, as I'm adding a new piece daily :)
    To clarify this article: the key is to filtering the advice that you're given. Of course, advice is VERY helpful, but it should feel empowering, not upsetting to you. If you are seeking advice (as many of us are) then helpful ideas are welcome. But when advice is gratuitous and defeatist, then you should feel empowered NOT to listen to it, and to know that YOU are the mom, so YOU are right - ALWAYS :) Note that we also learn from our "mistakes" and that's fine and healthy as well... (I think I'll blog about that at some point - probably along the lines of "whatever didn't kill us made us stronger" ;).