Something's Gotta Give

When I first became a mother I felt encouraged by other moms that once I got used to motherhood I'd see that I could really "have it all". I've since decided that that's just not true and the reality is that "something's gotta give".

Moms are juggling a number of key challenges: keeping the house in order, taking care of the children's emotional needs, taking care of their own emotional needs (read: sleep, eat, pray, avoid nervous breakdown), and taking care of work or other self-focused activities (working out, meeting friends, maintaining hobbies, etc.) I've come to realize that there is no mother who single-handedly manages all of these smoothly and without second-thoughts. Those who attempt to do so end up sacrificing their own emotional or physical needs or those of their children. For example, some may keep a tidy home but their children get less attention than they deserve. Others work into the wee hours of the night and are mostly exhausted and weak. Still others do a fantastic job of attending to their own and their children's emotional needs, but their houses are messy and disorganized.

Some mothers are lucky to have husbands or relatives who attend to a lot of these issues, while others decide to hire help to fill in the gaps. But in actuality, there are few options for really filling "mommy" shoes - and in my experience, NOBODY I have met manages to take care of everything, alone and without help. Furthermore, almost all of us question our decisions: should we spend more time with this or that child, or should we wash the dishes for the Nth time today? Should we invite guests for the weekend for some distraction and fun, or should we enjoy the weekend spending quality time alone together? Should we take on another project outside the home, or should we be spending more time with the kids after school? Do we focus on doing the laundry ourselves, to save some money and show a good example to the children, or do we hire someone else, in order to give ourselves a break? The list goes on, with decisions large and small.

For some reason, many of us who have limited help-resources have what I call "martyr syndrome" - we are so devoted to taking care of everyone and everything else, that we weaken ourselves. In actuality, this weakens the entire family. My advice here is to avoid getting sucked into "martyr syndrome" - admit that you can't do everything for everyone all the time, and choose to limit what you take care of today, tomorrow, and beyond. And most importantly, realize that this is a NORMAL part of motherhood, and there is no real "right" or "wrong" decision on what to do. Something's gotta give, and it's your role to responsibly choose what, for the sake of everyone's health and overall happiness.

This blog was inspired by my choice yesterday to skip writing a blog - my extended family has experienced both a death and a birth in the past week, and it's been both emotionally and physically overwhelming. While I am committed to writing a blog once a day (weekdays), yesterday, the blog was what had to give. I'm at peace with my choice and appreciate your support.