holidays & structure

We've just come from a major holiday in our calendar. Hence the pause in posting.

Holidays can be a beautiful break from the norm. A chance for parents and children to spend "quality time" together and catch up. Most of us lead busy lives, running from one task to the next. Holidays are an opportunity to slow down and share stories, ideas, food and fun together.

Holidays can also be stressful and overwhelming. The preparations, anticipation, and various activities can themselves keep us so busy we don't really get to relax and enjoy each other as much as we hope/plan. Having friends and family around us all day and evening can create stresses that don't always show up in our daily interactions.

By the end of the holiday, I'm often looking forward to getting back to my routine. The stability and predictability can be calming.

We mothers need to remember this principle. Some of us are keen on spontaneity and take our children out of their routines and assume they should be flexible, so we don't understand when they resist. Who wouldn't like to go to the beach instead of school? Why is the parade not a good idea, when the alternative was to go to our regularly-scheduled mommy-and-me? Some children act up when they are taken out of their routines. They may enjoy the activity for a short while, but then a tantrum or other breakdown may ensue.

The answer is the same as how we feel about holidays. It can be fun to take a break, but actually the routine is what keeps us going. Small breaks & holidays can help us appreciate the mundane, but too many "breaks" would be overwhelming and stressful. The same holds true for children with their systems and schedules. Sure, from time to time it's nice to do something different, but too much spontaneity can make children feel like their world and lives are chaotic and confusing.

You need to know your child and his/her threshold for sudden changes in activity. Be sensitive. Pause your sense of adventure and re-think if it will be wise to take him out of his predictable structure. Consider your audience and you both will benefit.