Keeping Calm

One key element to being a good parent aka good role model is practicing calm. A major pitfall for parents is getting wrapped into the dramas of daily life and becoming tense, anxious, or depressed and pessimistic about their kids. The truth is that the calmer we keep ourselves, the more life will work itself out in our favor. It's just a fact.

There are some practical tips on how to keep calm. Below are some that can work, and I welcome other ideas:

-Chamomile and other herbal teas, warm in the winter, iced in the summer: taking a break to keep refreshed and well-watered is essential to maintaining your sense of balance, both physical and emotional. When you feel overwhelmed, put your child(ren) in a safe place and make some tea. If tea isn't your thing, at least drink some water or juice.

-Focusing on your breath: most of us cannot completely clear our minds from worry and angst, but we can at least replace negative thoughts with neutral ones. One of the most neutral, helpful thoughts are those that focus our minds on our bodies - our heartbeats, our breath, relaxing our limbs, etc. A further step is to take a moment to be thankful that our bodies are working the way they should - this can also bring calm and perspective.

-Counting: this one has never really worked for me, but it is highly recommended especially in magazines and books. Replacing negative thoughts with numbers or letters clears the mind.

-Stretching: a great way to shift our focus is to completely immerse ourselves in some healthy physical stretches. Sometimes this can even distract a tantrum-prone kid - when he sees you suddenly get down on the floor for stretches, he may be so surprised, he'll calm down along with you, maybe even stretch himself!

-Call a friend: if nothing else helps, sometimes just some support and perspective from a good friend is all we need.

Lastly, turning to your spouse to cover for you when you are particularly stressed is very helpful and also educational for your children. They learn that sometimes we need to solicit help in order to get back in control of our emotions. Clearly, help is not always around, but when it is, use it. Give yourself a break, put yourself in time-out, and let someone else deal with the mess the kids have made :) Don't feel guilty - you are teaching your children the importance of calm - a skill that will help them throughout their lives.